


Pink Mist

by GuardianQwerty



Series: Heid Collection  (Placeholder name) [5]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Comfort, Cover Art, Episode: s04e01 Mayhem, Episode: s04e02 The Angel Maker, Explosions, First Kiss, First Time, Hurt Aaron Hotchner, Hurt Spencer Reid, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Minor Character Death, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, season 4
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-08
Updated: 2020-09-08
Packaged: 2021-03-07 02:55:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26229793
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GuardianQwerty/pseuds/GuardianQwerty
Summary: In the aftermath of the New York bombing, Reid tries to cope with his emotions and surfacing feelings towards his boss and the injuries that he incurred.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid
Series: Heid Collection  (Placeholder name) [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1878922
Comments: 17
Kudos: 75





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, this is a two parter (possibly 3) set in season 4: the 1st part is connected to episode 1 Mayhem, while the 2nd part follows episode 2 The Angle Maker.

* * *

Pink mist, that was the first and only thing on his mind as he watched the looping video. Usually his thought process would be analysing every piece of information, every strain of data on the video in front of him, but he couldn’t. He just stared at the carnage where his boss and the person he held most dear was catapulted across the screen from the force of the blast. He felt hollow, empty, almost as if someone had scooped his insides out starting with his heart. Most of all, he couldn’t think of anything except for pink mist.

There is a bit of confusion about the exact meaning of ‘pink mist’. The two most common definitions looked at either the spray of blood that’s ejected from the body on impact from a sniper round; or the total liquidation of the human body after an explosion. If they had been inside the vehicle or even just a little bit closer, the street would have been covered in pink mist and he could not get the image out of his head even though he knew Hotch was relatively speaking, alright.

He tried his best to push the thought from his mind and focus on the case. He was doing okay until he saw Hotch in the hospital. He wanted to run up and embrace the man, feel his beating heart, hold his hands, ensuring there was warmth coursing through his veins, but he held his composure. Not only was it terribly inappropriate, it was also not the time. Agent Joyner was still in surgery at that point and they had a bomber to find. He still watched Hotch like a hawk, making sure he was safe and pushing the thoughts of pink mist from his mind.

After the bomber slit his own throat and Morgan was nearly killed while trying to save the city, everything started to catch up to him. He started to feel the emotions he had been ignoring and the ultimate nail in the coffin was watching Hotch break down from Joyner’s death. He didn’t know the connection between the two, but the striking resemblance to Haley was remarkably hard to miss. Maybe they did ‘liaise’ when he worked at Scotland Yard, or maybe they were just close in other ways; he did not care. He did however care about the ghost, zombie like appearance that his boss wore leaving that operating room. The feelings of wanting to comfort him were back there, scattered through imagery of the bomb blast.

That night he stared up at the ceiling from his bed and felt a burning need to get up and go to Hotch’s room, just to check that he was still alive, still whole and not painted across the hotel room in a shade of red. He wanted to rise from his slumber and run to him, hold him and confess his love. He wanted to be there for him, but he receded, knowing the impropriety of it all. So, he slipped into his sleep, hoping that his subconscious would not plague his mind with nightmares of the thing he dreaded, of the man he needed in his life, dead. 

* * *

Hotch woke with a start, originally thinking his own nightmares were haunting him, but surprised to hear a moan in his ear. It was much louder than he thought, and he felt the tinnitus in his ear increase in volume along with the pained moaning and small shouts containing words like ‘no’ and ‘please’. He rose from his bed, his head pounding, a dizzy sensation and faintness accompanying the pain in his right ear. Alas, he got to his feet, not caring about what he was wearing he followed the noise, collecting the master key to his teammate’s rooms on his way out.

Upon leaving he saw Rossi poke his head out, clearly hearing the commotion. Rossi eyes looked tired and stressed, but relaxed when he saw Hotch, they both looked towards the sound and concluded where it was coming from. A small silent conversation was had, much to do with if Hotch or Rossi would go help the man in distress. Hotch waved Rossi back to bed, he may be recovering from his injuries, but he still needed to be there for his team; he could wait, Reid however could not. He followed the emotional turmoil that continued to pummel his ears. The sound was painfully loud now, but his worry overcoming the agony in his ear drum. Once arriving at Reid’s door, he inserted the key card and the door swung inwards. He entered the darkened room and suddenly became aware of the thrashing figure of the team’s youngest member. Immediately, he was at the side of the bed, calling Reid’s name attempting to wake him from the fitful slumber. “Reid! Reid! Come on WAKE UP!” He shook the agent, prying the man from his sleep. The eyes that met him were wild with terror and fear, and his breath came hard and fast. His skin was ghostly white under the moon light that streamed through the space between the curtain and window frame. “Reid, shhh, it’s Hotch. You are alright, you’re safe,” Hotch attempted to calm the man and return him to ground zero. He felt Reid relax under his hands, and almost immediately after, the younger agent threw his arms around him, pulling him in tight for a hug. He thought he heard the mumbling of ‘mist’ or something, but his hearing really couldn’t be trusted at the moment.

When Hotch had woken a few minutes prior he honestly expected that it was he who was having the nightmare. He who was enthralled by images of Kate, her blood on his hands as he desperately tried to hold pressure and keep her alive. He had not expected to be faced with Dr Spencer Reid dripping in sweat and scared beyond belief. What he also hadn’t expected was as soon as Reid had come out of his unconscious state, to be pulled into a bone crushing hug, knocking the air out of him. The embrace relaxed but did not release and he stayed there in the most uncomfortable spot as he let the agent break down. He didn’t know what had triggered the man’s nightmare, maybe it had just been the stress of the case, but the hug though unexpected felt good, felt warm. It grounded him and evened his emotions from the entire situation. So, he just let it happen, let the soothing tenderness calm them both.

Hotch’s tinnitus had almost disappeared, the quietness and the withdrawing pain had caused him to nearly fall asleep in his spot, no matter how uncomfortable it was. And he nearly did if it hadn’t been for team’s genius to release him moments before he could drop off. Sitting back Hotch stood up, knees cracking as he did so, he moved around the room, pulling an armchair to face the bed and flicking on the bedside lamp. All the while as Reid sat up, rubbing his eyes of a few stray tears. Hotch sat down, offering a genuine smile and hoping Reid would open up without him asking, but the man just looked embarrassed. “Reid, are you okay?” He tried to offer his most supportive and caring boss voice he could to put his agent at ease. He watched as hands began to fiddle and shake nervously. So, he did what felt natural. He reached out and grabbed the man’s hands holding them firmly and riding the tremors out. “Rei-” no he needed to be more personable, “Spencer, what are you thinking?” He saw the Reid’s eyes soften, glistening tears threatening to fall once more. “I-I” he opened and closed his mouth attempting to get words out with almost no success until- “I dreamed of pink mist…” And immediately he visualised what Reid saw; he saw the explosion footage that the team showed him at the hospital. He saw how close he was to becoming another splash of DNA paved across a street. He saw the fear and emotion, understanding his agent completely in that moment. “Oh, Spencer. I’m here, I’m right here. I’m not pink mist.” And he pulled him back into a hug, holding him close to his chest as he felt the man break into tears once more, salty water soaking into his cotton FBI sleep shirt. Hotch would be lying if he said he wasn’t also close to tears in that moment. The emotion from the past few days threatening to open the flood gates. But no matter what, the comfort they gave each other in that moment felt right.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Reid chooses to go with Hotch on his drive back, give him some company and they talk about pink mist, his fears and ultimately their feelings towards each other.
> 
> Set at the end of Season 4 episode 2: The Anglemaker
> 
> Any mistakes are my own mistakes.

Hotch knew deep down that he had made mistakes on this case, even just being there had pushed his hyperacusis to the point where he had collapsed in pain. The loud gunshot that ricocheted, sending ringing painful vibrations around his ear and head. It had hurt, and now, even though it was the following afternoon, the pain still lingered. He never took time to care for himself, much less purposefully delay arrival back home for his own benefit. However, he knew if he didn’t, the Angle Maker case would be his last. So, he decided to drive the seven hours home, maybe taking a few extra days as he progressed. What he hadn’t realised was the man that offered to join him for the ride. “Surprise Hotch, I’m your travel buddy!” Reid’s eyes lit up, a cheeky smile present on his face as he gently placed his go-bag on the backseat. Hotch was more than happy to have him along for the ride, they hadn’t talked much since the ‘pink mist’ incident, but he knew the man just wanted to make sure he was alright, much like he wanted to know the same for him.

The decision yet last minute, just seemed right. He was supposed to be driving the team to the airport, but the new information of Hotch driving back by himself made him change his plans. He exited the vehicle and chucked the keys at JJ. “I think I’m gonna go with Hotch guys, keep him company.” He didn’t wait for the response, just closed the door, fetched his go-bag from the trunk and left the team to wonder. He walked around the back of Hotch’s SUV, pulling open one of the doors to see the silently confused face of SSA Aaron Hotchner. “Surprise Hotch! I’m your travel buddy!” It was all he needed to say, Hotch’s face relaxed and he was glad to see the man looked somewhat happy to have his company. Especially when car trips with other team members usually meant them shutting him up or complaining of his tangential word smithing. Placing his go-bag in the backseat, he moved to the front, dropping his body into the passenger seat. He pulled the belt across his chest, buckled it tightly and looked at Hotch. There was no evidence of argument, and he was grateful as he observed the man insert the key and ignite the car’s engine. He sat deeply into his seat, enjoying Hotch’s cologne and a safety blanket that came with every moment he spent with him. They took off, commencing the drive and heading east for home.

Reid sat there listening to the playlist of Hotch’s favourite Beatles tunes from the white album. He preferred Beethoven usually, though it was not an issue. Technically he was a guest on the trip, so he wasn’t complaining. If he really had any plans for this trip it was more to corner his boss and discuss the ‘pink mist’ incident from a few weeks prior. He needed to talk about what it had meant to him, but also understand where Hotch sat. He wanted to explore, see if there was a possible personal and not just professional relationship on the cards for them.

So, they drove mostly in silence with the dulcet music floating through the air. And Reid watched him, he saw the man’s eyes move, checking mirrors and critically assessing the movements of other drivers around him. He saw the small quirks of lips and furrowing brows in reaction to evasive and idiotic moves by the other vehicles. Watching Hotch was like a profile, but it was also understanding what made him tick and what he deemed was safe driving and what wasn’t. It was relaxing and peaceful, and it gave him an excuse to not only understand his mind but appreciate his beauty. He had no idea how long he stared until Hotch opened his mouth and filled the vehicle with a humorous curiosity. “Reid you have been staring at me for the last ten miles, what’s going on?” Dammit, thought Reid, okay it was pretty obvious, and he is a profiler. He really didn’t want to talk about his feelings, not yet at least. “It doesn’t matter.” Hotch huffed, completely unimpressed with the response. He knew that Reid would talk to him once he was ready, but it’s not like he was pleased with being locked out. The silence continued, before Reid started talking, but not about why he had been staring. “We didn’t really talk, but what’s the plan for the trip back?” Hotch looked deflated by Reid’s question, but didn’t hesitate to move forward with his answer. “I honestly don’t have a plan. Just drive until we find a good spot for some food and then search for a hotel or something, maybe sight see, whatever that is. Haven’t done that since Haley and I’s honeymoon…” Hotch’s words tumbled out, clearly no direction to his thought process. “I guess with you here, we could just swap driving and hammer the seven hours out instead of splitting it over a couple of days.” Hotch’s eyes swivelled and landed on Reid as he finished speaking. The idea of him coming with Hotch was not so he could get back as soon as possible, he didn’t want to take away the time Hotch needed to heal on this drive. He needed a couple of days off, he needed time to get his body back to healthy because he never voluntarily took time off. Reid knew this as a fact, so for him to suggest a skip of this time seemed like a horrendous idea. “Hotch, I’m not here to shorten the trip, I’m here to keep you company and if that is us sitting in silence for the next two days, that’s fine. But if you want to talk about anything, Jack, Haley, Kate or just the recent case; I’m here for that. But I’m not here to give you an excuse to race back to the office. You need this time, you never take time for yourself,” Reid responded, talking seriously and making his points known. He nearly tagged ‘I worry about you’ at the end but caught himself. Though the sentiment would be nice, he really didn’t want to do that to him right now. Hotch huffed once more, clearly disappointed that he didn’t have an alternate way out of this trip, but he relaxed anyway and almost smiled. “Thank you, Reid, you really didn’t have to do this.”

And with that the drive continued. Small conversations intermittently interrupting the constant comfortable silence. They stopped at a local diner two hours into the trip. Reid ended up stealing Hotch’s chips as his burger didn’t come with any for some reason. Hotch seemed fine with this situation even if he presented a scowl at the start. They talked about various points mostly about the case, a bit about old cases and things they each needed to complete upon arrival back to Quantico. It was all rather civil and relaxed, but there was a brick wall between normal chit chat and the trauma that was hidden behind Hotch’s eyes. He kept wanting to bring up the ‘pink mist’ situation or just New York in general. Just to touch base at least and talk about Hotch’s emotions and state of mind around the entire event. However, he kept reining in his requests, he wanted Hotch to lead the conversation, he didn’t want to push trauma that may arise from that particular dialogue.

As they were finishing off their meals, Hotch called over one of the waiters. “Excuse me ma’am,” the woman turned to face Hotch, her kind face waiting for the inquiry. “Where are your bathrooms?” The aged plump woman looked at Hotch then at Reid before pointing off into the direction of their facilities, while dropping an unexpected comment towards Hotch. “I wouldn’t leave him alone honey; he is quite a catch.” She sent a wink towards Hotch, while pointing towards Reid. She turned away after her statement to serve other customers. Immediately Reid felt his cheeks heat up. Usually when people saw them together, they assumed he was Hotch’s son, not a partner. Hotch just got up at once. Reid could see the slight pink hue evident on the unit chiefs face as he skirted quickly away to the bathroom.

When they got back into the car the usual comfortable silence was no more. An awkwardness hung in the air like a bad smell and threatened the friendly communication they had been observing for the past few hours. Reid was stumped on what to do. If it had been any other co-worker, he was sure they would have put her right, straight away. But Hotch let it slide, he let it slide. Did that mean Hotch had feelings too? Or was he just too embarrassed to set things, right? The original timeline of letting Hotch introduce the conversation was almost impossible due to what had just happened. However, he had no idea how to broach the discussion at all. So, the silence continued, bar discussions for where they should stop and rest for the night. He watched the man once more noting his furrowed brow and how he could see the thoughts whizzing around his mind. Reid was usually the one accused of having his cognition written all over his face when he was on to something or in deep concentration over a piece of information. Now it was Hotch that was exhibiting this behaviour, he could hear the cogs winding in his brain and knew that they needed to talk about what was happening.

They seem to come to the point of talk at the same time. “Hotch we need to-” Reid started before Hotch finished his sentence, “-need to talk.” They looked at each, startled by each person’s willingness. Reid suppressed a giggle at the ridiculous situation they had stumbled upon. Reid thought about letting Hotch go first, but decided it was time to take the leap. Honestly, what could go wrong, right? “I should probably come clean about the real reason I joined you.” Reid stated, watching the surprise and slightly stumped expression that was scrawled across his boss’s face. “I am here for you, for a chat or just to keep you company, that wasn’t a lie. But I failed to mention that I wanted to talk abou- about New York,” Hotch’s body tensed as he finished his sentence. Every mention of ‘New York’ over the last few weeks had elicited the same response, subtle fear, tenseness and then being on edge for the following five to ten minutes. “Reid, I don’t-”, he threw his hand up, stopping Hotch from cutting the conversation off before it even started. “Hotch, I would love for you to feel safe enough that you could let your guard down and talk to me about how you are feeling post New York. But I know you won’t. No, I want to talk about… what happened at the end of the case. That night, with the ‘pink mist’ incident….” Reid rubbed his head before looking directly into Hotch’s eyes even though they were very focused on the road. His body was turned in his seat and all his focus towards the man he cared for way too much. “I wan-, no I need to know what it meant?” Reid asked, he had taken the leap, but now in the throes of the conversation he had no idea how to tell the older man how much he loved him without being fired. Hotch didn’t respond straight away, he didn’t respond for a considerable length of time in the vicinity of a normal conversation response times.

It wasn’t until he felt the SUV pull off the highway that he realised why no response had been given. He felt the car roll to a stop and watched as Hotch put it into park, depress the parking brake with his left foot and turn the engine off. It was then Hotch turned to face him, they were now eye to eye, bodies swivelled so they could face each other the best they could inside a vehicle. Hotch took a deep breath, “Reid, it was a tough case, it left a lot of us haunted. You needed some help getting through that night, I’m always happy to be there for you when you need it. I’m not quite sure why it has to mean anything more than I have your back, like you have mine, like the rest of the team has ours.” Hotch’s eyes had relaxed, yet, he spoke the word ‘case’ with the force of the incident behind it. Reid knew straight away that Hotch wasn’t understanding what he meant by his question. He thought of all the people in the world, a profiler could see right through him, but apparently not. So, in the absence of a sign swinging down and smacking Hotch in the face, he leaned forward and grabbed Hotch’s hands like Hotch had done when he woke from his nightmare. He would never get tired of the warmth, the texture and calming sensation that they offered. He was expecting an instant pull away, but none happened. “No, Hotch, what did that night mean to you? Or am I looking way too deep into this…into us?” Reid’s eyes never left Hotch’s and in the moments that followed the end of his sentence, he saw the penny drop moment. The make or break came as Hotch’s hands relaxed, they didn’t withdraw, and he swore he saw a small smile dance across his face momentarily. “Reid,” he breathed deeply taking his time, thoughts dancing across his face in the way of micro-expressions once more. “When I woke up that night. I was convinced that it was I, me, who was locked in the nightmares…the nightmares of Kat- No I can’t talk about her. I thought it was me. But when I followed the sounds to your room and saw you at the mercy of subconscious cruelty, it hurt.” Those few sentence spoke more about his life and feelings, than he had in Reid’s entire time at the BAU. He observed the pained expression on his face, and he wanted to pull him into a hug. “I really don’t know how to talk about this. It’s breaking every rule in the book, but…” Hotch’s eyes averted down to their intertwined hands. Reid watched the man breathe deeply, he was praying that the response wasn’t a ‘let’s forget it all and move on’, but a confession to the same feelings he was harbouring for the stoic man. “But I would be lying if I said that I don’t feel something here. I’ve been holding it back, because it isn’t appropriate on any level. However, when you were in the thralls of that nightmare, I wanted to do more than just hug you, I wanted to stay the rest of the night in comfort and hold you. I wanted you to be there for me as well, I wanted us to share our grief.” He was almost laughing through his words; Reid could see the torment between what Hotch knew was right and what he wanted. “Reid, I don’t know how to do this.” Reid stared into the man’s eyes, the eyes that pleaded for guidance, but also made him fall deeper for the man as he confessed.

It filled Reid with joy that his feelings were reciprocated, even if the man didn’t know how to proceed. This was new for both of them. But what made it all worth it was the fact Hotch hadn’t tried to hide. He could have shut him down and said no straight of the bat, but he didn’t, he took a leap, they leaped together. “How about we start with first names, Aaron?” It felt oddly perfect rolling Hotch’s first name off his tongue. It was like smooth rich liquor had coated his mouth. That’s what Hotch was, a really well aged bottle of whiskey and it felt so right. Hotch looked into his eyes contemplating Reid’s proposition for a second. “I guess we can do that, Spencer,” he watched as a relaxed smile had settle into his usually stoic and hardened physiognomy. Spencer wanted to hold the now passive, well defined face of his boss, and caress the sharpened jaw line. He wanted to hold it, stare into his eyes and commit to their change in relationship with a kiss. He was so caught into his fantasy he missed the fact that Aaron had entered his personal space and gently cupped a hand around the back of his neck. Their focus melted into each other as they enjoyed the closeness. “Can I kiss you Spencer?” What a gentleman, is all Spencer could think of as he responded with a slow nod. Spencer bought his hands up to do what he had fantasised about moments earlier as their lips connected. It was light and sensual and only lasted seconds, and when Spencer pulled back it was amicable and calming. “That was good right?” Hotch asked, looking for approval in his own eyes, Spencer stifled a laugh at the complete vulnerability his unit chief showed. “It was, Aaron, it certainly was.” And with that, no more words were needed, they just sat there staring into each other’s eyes, captivated and enthralled in their newfound comfort. Spencer wanted to push it further, go deeper, but the console separated their bodies and it would not be appropriate to be caught in any compromising positions in a government plated vehicle on the side of the road. So, they sat there, hands had remained on neck and cheeks, breathing in each other’s scents that were hard to miss as they were so close to one another; in a comfortable silence that felt right.

It felt like an eternity before Spencer felt Aaron’s hand loosen from around the side of his neck and pull back from the closeness. Spencer whimpered at the loss of contact as his hands fell from the older man’s jawline. “I’d love to stay like this for longer, but I think we need to find somewhere to sleep.” His voice elegantly lounged over each syllable, calming and bringing him back to reality. He was right, they needed to find a hotel, and then maybe they could talk more without a car debilitating their connection. He soon felt the car reignited and pull back onto the highway.

Spencer felt happy, for once, content even, and they still had a lot to talk about, but they had this moment. The moment where they didn’t need to worry about the rest of the team or about a case waiting to be solved. They just had to worry about finding a hotel. And as Spencer thought of this, he noticed the sun setting around them. The highway had vehicles scattered across it, typical levels of traffic for the time of day. The pink and golden hues of the setting dwarf star billowing across the road. It was beautiful and accompanied by the man in the driver’s seat, it felt magical. Spencer already felt starved of the touch that they had shared moments earlier; he needed to feel the skin of the Aaron’s under his hands. He saw his hands gripping the steering well lightly, fully focused on the road in front. Without thought, Spencer placed his left hand over Aaron’s right, pulling it off the steering wheel lightly and interlocking their fingers together. He settled them in the centre console, while looking up towards Aaron who momentarily looked away from the road with a quiver of a smile and a flicker of contentment. And that is how they stayed, for the rest of the drive to the hotel, occasionally disentangling for blinker usage and corner taking, but always coming back to the warmth of each other’s hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thinking of doing a 3rd part for this, but I don't want to ruin it. Let me know if you would be interested in some steamy Hotch/Reid 'seal the deal' type situation. 
> 
> Thanks for reading and like always comments and feedback are always appreciated!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Feedback is appreciated. Any mistakes are entirely my own.
> 
> Also this is my first piece with cover art - let me know what you think. 
> 
> Excuse the delay in the new piece, I'm a uni student and this is how I de-stress.


End file.
